


solace

by HALFnHALF1



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, i need this bittersweet stuff in my life, rin and len as siblings, so much character development is going to happen in this story...So Much, this is an idea i've had in my head for awhile, touches on death and grieving process
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-06 18:32:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15891660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HALFnHALF1/pseuds/HALFnHALF1
Summary: Are you struggling to cope with the death of a loved one? The Anidoll Company is here to help! Everyone grieves differently. Some people need the support of those around them, some people lament on their own, others seem to be fine within a couple of days. But, no matter what, no one can understand unless they've experienced the death of a loved one themself. This young girl, Rin, would know this most of all. Who would stay by her side after she's pushed everyone away, alienating herself from society to grieve? Or rather, what?





	1. one.

_Coping with the death of a loved one can be difficult. The Anidoll Company is here to help. Our dolls are carefully crafted to look and act just like your lost loved one and help you handle the grief. If you’re struggling with your loss, please, call the number on the screen now and get your doll today._

  
“Those things are becoming super popular, huh, Rin?” Len said nonchalantly, holding the TV remote in his hand. He was sitting on the living room couch next to his twin sister, Rin, who was mindlessly tapping away on her phone.

“Those doll-robot things? Yeah, they’re kinda creepy, I think.”

“Apparently the match the dead person’s height and everything. What the hell do you do with it once you’re done with it though? Throw it out?”

Rin shrugged unknowingly. Detecting her lack of interest in the conversation, Len got up, turned off the TV, and stretched.

“Mom and Dad should be ready soon. Man, I can’t wait to see this new movie! I get to see it before all my friends!”

Rin didn’t look up from her phone, “Uh-huh.”

Len pouted, “C’mon, please be as excited about this as I am, Sis.”

“I am, I am! I’m just dealing with some friend drama right now.”

“You _always_ are. Someday, I’m gonna straighten all your shit out myself.”

Just as Len said that, the twins’ mother and father appeared in the living room, ready to depart for the late night family movie outing.

Mother said, “Sorry for the wait! Let’s get a move on!”

And so, the four shuffled out of their home to the family car. It was raining outside, which caused them to rush inside the vehicle. They all made it to the car, but not without getting a little damp.

The car pulled out, and the family happily makes their way to the movie theater in the dark and pouring rain.

“So what’s the drama this time?” Len turned to Rin, sitting next to him in the backseat.

“Teto and Miku got into another fight. They want me to pick a side, but I can’t,” Rin pouted.

“Again? That’s just not fair.”

“Yeah. I shouldn’t have to pick a side.”

The car soon reached a red light at an intersection, and came to a slow halt.

Len crossed his arms and said in a quieter voice, “Maybe you should pick new friends, though.”

Rin sharply turned to her brother and narrowed her eyes, “I heard that, Len!”

“But am I _wrong_?”

“You don’t see _me_ critiquing _your_ friendships! I’m surprised you aren’t in jail!”

“And I’m surprised _you_ aren’t in an insane asylum! Why’re you tryna pick a fight with me now, huh?!”

“Hey, you two! Stop fighting back there!” Dad called out from behind the steering wheel.

“If you were to drop dead right now, I’d be _so_ happy,” Rin retorted to Len quickly.

The light turned green, and the car started to roll past the light. Len just rolled his eyes and looked out the car window nearest to him. It was not long until the boy was blinded by a bright, white light. It was rapidly getting closer, and Len sharply inhaled when he realized that it wasn’t going to stop.

Soon, the family car was toppling over. It flipped over itself several times for a few seconds, but to Rin it felt like an eternity. She could feel her entire body being jerked around in the car, although the adrenaline made her go numb. The car violently skidded and rocked to a halt, and for a moment Rin had forgotten where she was. Her ears were ringing, and her eyes shut tight.

“Is everyone okay..?” the strained voice of Rin’s mother calls out to everyone in the car. She could hear her father breathing sharply as well.

“I-I’m alright…” Rin said in a shaky voice.

“Len?” her mother called out. There was silence.

Rin slowly turned to her right, where Len was sitting. There was a great deal of wreckage next to her. The window had shattered, and the car door had bent inward. Rin looked down.

Her brother was still fastened in, but he was slumped over onto his side, his head hanging, limp, near Rin’s shoulder. He was still.

“Len..?” Rin reached over to gently shake her brother awake. He remained still. She lightly tapped his head with her palm. Still, he was motionless. She slowly took her hand away from his head. Panic started to sink into the girl when she saw the palm of her hand now covered in blood.

He had cuts and bruises on his body. His right arm was bent the wrong way. His vibrant blond hair was stained in strawberry red.

“Len, wake up..!!” Rin reached over with both her hands to shake the boy.

“Please..! Please, please..!!”

Rin continued shaking the boy until the wailing of police and ambulance sirens was heard. In nearly an instant after that, she felt herself being pulled out of the car by paramedics.

“Wait! Help my brother, my brother needs help..!!” she screamed. No one seemed to listen to her.

She was dragged into an ambulance. Paramedics were swarming her, flashing lights in her eyes, asking her questions. She couldn’t seem to hear any of it. Her attention was fixated on the car. By now, all of her family was out of the car. All except for Len. Only a couple of paramedics were looking into the car, to Len.

Soon, she saw them pull Len out of the car and onto the ground. One put their fingers on Len’s wrist. They then put their hands onto Len’s chest and started doing compressions. He needed someone to be there for him.

He needed someone.

“He needs me..!!” Rin cried, “He needs me! Please don’t take me away without him! He can’t be there alone!”

In the next instant, Rin felt lightheaded. She saw the paramedic administering CPR move away for the other one, and the other begin to defibrillate him with an AED. But this is where the girl’s memory ended. She quickly fell unconscious.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re a very strong girl. You had a mild concussion,” explained a doctor. This is where Rin’s memory had resumed.

Due to the adrenaline rush she misunderstood how bad it was, up to the loss of consciousness. It seemed to have only been an instant between the crash site and her white hospital room. When she woke up in bed, a doctor gave her a quick examination.

“Other than the concussion, you seem to be fine! Only light cuts and bruises. You’ll be okay,” the doctor continued to explain.

“Oh...is my brother okay..?” Rin asked.

The doctor paused for a moment, “...You know what, I think your parents are waiting outside. How about I bring them in to see you. They only have minor injuries as well.”

Rin blinked, “O-okay…”

The doctor turned and left, and a moment later Rin heard a knock on the door. She called for them to come in, and her parents gently opened the door and smiled at her.

“Hi, honey, how are you feeling?” her dad asked in a soft voice. Both he and Mom had some bandages on their faces, but other than that appeared to be fine.

“I’m okay...my head hurts a little bit.”

Mom gently stroked Rin’s arm, “The pain relievers might be fading off. You’ll get a prescription once you’re discharged.”

Rin looked over at her parents, “How’s Len..?”

Mother stopped stroking Rin’s arm, and instead moved it down to her hand. She exchanged worrying and pained glances with Dad, then she slowly looked back at Rin.

“Uhm…” Mom hesitated, voice cracking, “L-Len was giving CPR at the crash, he was taken to the hospital but, no matter how long they tried to bring him back, uhm...th-they said that nothing more could be done, so…”

Rin’s heart sank, and she started to tear up, “What are you saying, Mom..?”

Dad looked away, and tears started rolling down Mom’s blushed cheeks, “I’m so sorry, Rinny...Len’s dead.”

“No…” Rin shook her head, eyes growing wet, “That’s not true, he was so happy just earlier...he was going to see a movie before all of his friends, he had plans for tomorrow, he told me he wanted to go to college..! So he can’t be dead, he—”

“Rin,” Dad interjected, “I know this is hard to hear, but we wouldn’t lie to you about this, sweetie…”

Rin clenched her hospital sheets tightly, “You don’t understand, Dad...I told him I’d be happy if he died! He left thinking that was what would make me happy! It’s not fair, it’s not…”

The girl looked down at her sheets and began to sob. Mom got choked up as well and leaned in to embrace her daughter. Dad walked up and hugged them both tightly. But no matter how tightly the Kagamines held one another, it still felt like another body was missing in their embrace.

 

* * *

 

Rin was hardly able to attend the funeral. Seeing her brother’s body lying in the open coffin, dressed in his only nice suit, eyes closed as if he were just sleeping without a care—it was all too much for her. She was only able to give a passing glance at him without being overwhelmed with guilt and grief.

Everyone who entered the funeral home said empty words to her— “I’m sorry for your loss,” and “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you,” and “I’m sure he’s resting peacefully now,” —none of them meant anything to Rin. Those are merely words you’re conditioned to say to someone who just had a family member die. At their core, they held no weight.

Nevertheless, Rin would give them a small smile and say a sweet “thank you.”

That’s all you’re supposed to say as the grieving sister, isn’t it?

Those “thank yous” said meant nothing to Rin, and she’s sure they meant nothing to everyone else, too.

Before the procession, Rin and her parents were given time to say their goodbyes to Len. Mom and Dad simply kissed him on the head and held his hand, like they were just putting him to sleep. Rin took a long glance at his body, frowning painfully, before leaning in to make it look like she was kissing his forehead as well.

Instead, she whispered into his ear, “If you can hear this, wherever you are, Len, I know you’re mad at me. Because I’ve seen you in my nightmares. I’m sorry. I know I should have been the one to die that day. Someday, I’ll fix all of this. But for now, I need my punishment. So please don’t watch over me.”

In the end, Len’s coffin was closed and he was placed six feet into the ground without anyone objecting.

 

* * *

 

Rin was eating breakfast as usual. It had been nearly a month since Len had died in the crash. Rin hasn’t felt anything since then. She was still dealing with friend drama, as usual, but now she kept it all to herself, not venting to anyone about it. She was taking her last bite out of her breakfast sandwich when there was a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it,” Dad called out from across the room as he quickly made his way to the front door.

“Ah, that was quick. Sign here? Yes, thank you very much,” Rin heard her father talking to the delivery person in the distance. Soon Mom walked over to the front door as well and Rin overheard the two chatting amongst themselves and fiddle with the package. Rin wasn’t interested, so she simply played on her phone in the kitchen.

“Thank you for welcoming me into your home,” Rin heard the familiar voice faintly from the other room. She jumped up out of her seat, and quickly made her way into the living room, where her parents were.

What she saw quickly made her boil.

A boy—no, a _thing_ —sat on the couch, with the exact same appearance as her deceased brother. Blond hair, blue eyes, he was even wearing similar clothing. He sat on the couch with a smile, and looked over to Rin when she entered the room. His eyes looked lifeless and his smile empty.

“You must be Rin!” the thing called out, mimicking her brother’s voice, “I know a lot about you! I’m very excited to see you!”

“What the fuck is this?” Rin laughed sarcastically, “This is a joke, isn’t it?”

The thing looked at Mom and Dad, and then back to Rin, “I don’t think so. I was sent by Anidoll to help you. Mom and Dad requested me, actually. My name is Len, but you already know that, huh, Sis?”

“Do _not_ call me, ‘Sis,’” Rin snapped back, “and they aren’t your mom and dad, so you have no right to call them that, either. You’re not Len.”

The thing stood up and took a few steps toward Rin, “I know it’s hard, Rin. But that’s why I’m here. I want you to get better.”

“Don’t tell me what’s hard and what’s not! You have no idea! You’re just some robo-thingy, you don’t have any emotions! You’re just saying what you’re programmed to say!” Rin screamed.

She turned to her parents, teary eyed, “How could you two do this?”

Before Mom and Dad had a chance to respond, Rin rubbed her eyes and ran upstairs to her room, locking the door. She didn’t understand why.

She didn’t understand why Len had to die.

She didn’t understand why people say “sorry” at funerals.

She didn’t understand why Mom and Dad bought a worthless piece of junk.

But she didn’t understand herself most of all.


	2. two.

Rin refused to leave her room for the rest of that day. She knew she couldn’t see that scrap of metal without becoming infuriated, so instead she sheltered herself within the confines of her bedroom. There was a point, in the late afternoon, when there was a knock on her bedroom door.

“Rin? Do you wanna talk?” the machine called out to her from behind the door. She didn’t respond, and eventually the object finally got the memo and left her be for the rest of the night.

She skipped lunch and dinner, and only quickly snuck into the bathroom to use the toilet. She interacted not with Mom, Dad, or the junk for the rest of the day.

That night, Rin had another nightmare.

It was dark. It was raining. She was sitting in the backseat of the car. The doors were locked, and she couldn’t unbuckle her seatbelt.

“I died alone…” Rin heard that familiar, sad voice next to her. She turned to her right, and saw her brother.

He had cuts and bruises on his body. His right arm was bent the wrong way. His vibrant blond hair was dyed in patches of strawberry red. He turned his head to his sister, slowly, like a zombie. His sunken eyes were a pale, dead blue.

“I died alone…” he repeated.

Rin’s throat clenched. She whispered to him, “I’m sorry, Len. I didn’t mean to.”

“No…” he responded slowly, “It’s what you wanted...You wanted this to happen to me…”  
  
Rin shook her head, “No…”

“It’s your fault...it’s all your fault…” Len muttered, “I’m dead because of you…”

“Please don’t say that,” Rin said in a choked up voice, tears forming.

“I’m dead because of you...I’m dead because of you…” he repeated over and over.

Rin wanted to cover her ears. She wanted him to stop. But she knew she had to hear it. It was all part of her punishment.

It was not long, however, before she woke up abruptly in a cold sweat. She jerked herself up from under her covers, and was panting frantically.

“...Damn it…” she muttered frustratingly, wiping some stray tears from her face.

It was 3 AM. She needed water. Rin begrudgingly pulled herself from her bed and out of her bedroom. She made her way downstairs to go through the living room and into the kitchen.

When she made it to the bottom of the staircase, she noticed a figure sitting on the couch. The figure noticed her, too, and turned around to look at her. Its eyes shone a dim blue. Rin went to turn on a light.

“Rin, you’re awake!” it said to her eagerly.

Rin frowned, “Why’re you here?”

“Mom and Dad kinda just left me here after you went up to your room, haha. I guess they didn’t really know what to do with me. So I’ve just been sitting here waiting for someone, though I did knock on your door earlier…” the thing motioned to a USB cord sticking out of the back of its neck and into an outlet, “I know no one told me to plug in, but my battery was running low, so I hope you don’t mind that I decided to recharge myself.”

It smiled at Rin expectantly and scooted a little down the couch to make room for her.

“You’d think for such an expensive product, it wouldn’t need to recharge regularly,” Rin said, deadpan.

The machine responded automatically, “My battery can actually last for up to 168 and a half hours if fully charged. The Anidoll Company does not ship their products fully charged, so it is recommended that you plug in your Anidoll to charge up upon first use. You can also visit The Anidoll Company’s website for more information on battery life and other—”

“For the love of God, shut up already!”

“You got it, Rin!” the product said with a grin.

Rin massaged her temples, “Aren’t you advertised as being able to act perfectly like the dead person too? Well, I can tell you now that you’re doing a very shitty job at it.”

“Thank you for your honesty, Rin! I’ll try to do better from here on out! Anidoll products generally improve a few days after beginning use!”

“Whatever.”

Rin was already tired of this conversation. It was like speaking to a wall. What a waste of money. Rin shuffled over to the kitchen.

Of course, the thing doesn’t know when to shut up, so it called over to Rin, “Oh, did you just come down here for a late night snack? I’m at 98% charge, so if you want company I can be there in a minute!”

"Don’t bother,” Rin answered, “I’m not staying. Just keep staring off into space like you’ve been doing for the past several hours.”

“You sure you don’t wanna talk to me? I really wanna talk to you, Sis!”

“For the _last_ time, do _not_ call me ‘Sis.’”

It pouted from the other room, “Why not?”

“Because you’re not my brother, you’re a piece of junk!” Rin snapped.

“Rin, why’re you so angry?” the thing asked in a seemingly therapy-like voice.

Rin returned to the room with a glass of water, “I’m angry because you’re here. You’re an advanced robot, aren’t you? I don’t want to talk to you, and clearly neither do Mom and Dad. Can’t you tell that no one wants you here?”

The robot cocked its head to the side, and then responded, “I can see that you’re frustrated and upset. How about we take a break and continue this conversation later?”

Rin stormed back upstairs to her room. It really was a waste of money. A useless pile of scrap metal. Whose bright idea was it to make a “coping robot” or whatever, anyway? Rin didn’t understand them...Len didn’t understand them, either. Just letting that thing exist was certainly an insult to the life that Len had, up until his death.

She chugged down the water and put the glass on her side table a little more roughly than she ought to. She lied down back in bed, and stared up at her ceiling. She stared and stared. She didn’t want to go back to sleep. She didn’t have the strength to face Len again.

She was a coward.

 

* * *

 

Rin lied in bed, awake, up until her alarm rang at 9 AM. She then realized that she was starving, having not eaten in nearly 24 hours. She got out of bed, once again dreading seeing what the trash had to say, this time in the morning.

“Good morning, Rin! It’s good to see you up and at ‘em!” the unwanted said to her cheerily right as she reached the bottom step. Rin was right when she told Len that these things are creepy.

Rin simply glanced at it before she dragged herself into the kitchen to make breakfast. It followed her into the kitchen like a baby duck.

“It appears you haven’t gotten an appropriate amount of sleep. That can be very emotionally draining. So let’s take it easy today, alright? It’s a good thing you have no school today!”

“You mean a bad thing,” Rin mumbled as she went through the pantry for breakfast supplies.

The knockoff sat down behind the kitchen counter, “Why do you think it’s a bad thing?”

“Because now I have to deal with you,” she muttered again, just barely audible. She was tired of this. That thing took so much of her energy already.

“Aw, don’t be like that, Rin!” it responded, “We can watch Super Sentai together, we really like watching that—”

Rin’s eyes widened and she jerked her body around to look at the Anidoll. She rushed over to the doll and grabbed it by the arms, which seemed to even catch the machine off guard. It looked at her with worried eyes.

“Uhm, d-did I say something wrong, Rin..?” it stuttered, trying to mask its nervousness.

Rin’s eyes burned intensely at the other, “How do you know that?”

It blinked, “Know what..?”

“That me and Len liked to watch Super Sentai? We only watched that in private, so how do you know..?!”

It paused, “...Well, you see, when Mom and Dad placed their order for me, they were asked to include as much information about the deceased individual as they could, so they included that we like to watch Super Sentai, it’s in my memory bank—”  
  
Rin interrupted once more, “That’s a lie! Me and Len always watched that show in _private_ , when Mom and Dad were away! So there’s no way that they could know and write that down in the order form! You know, you’re a piece of junk, but I wouldn’t have thought that they’d program you to _lie_ , too! What are you, defective?!”

The bot avoided eye contact with Rin, darting its eyes back and forth, before looking down at its knees pathetically, “N-no, Rin, I’m not defective…”

“Then how do you know?”

“Y-you told me that I was doing a poor job in behaving like your brother last night, a-and I wanted to do better, so,” it glanced up at Rin for a brief moment before looking back down, “So I just went into his room for a little bit, and I looked at some stuff, and I found DVDs of Super Sentai...and his journal.”

Rin took her hands off of the Anidoll. She was dumbfounded.

It quickly added, “I knew this would make you mad, Rin! So I determined that it would be better if I tried my best to withhold that information from you...I’m sorry.”

“You went in Len’s room..?”

It nodded slowly.

Rin clenched her fists, “You realize that I haven’t even been in that room since he died, right? You know Mom and Dad have barely been in there because they didn’t want to change the way he left it? You realize that you just changed one of the only things we have left to remember him by going through his belongings like a raccoon goes through the garbage, _don’t you_?”

The machine flinched, “I put everything back the way it was, Rin...I promise.”

Rin turned away. She wanted to hit this thing so bad. It’s barely been here _a day_ and it was already ruining everything. It was just defiling Len’s memory more and more. It had no sense of respect whatsoever.

“You can hit me…” it muttered.

Rin turned back to the doll in shock. The machine still looked submissive, but it looked back up and made eye contact with her.

“I can tell you want to hit something to let your anger out. You can hit me, if that will help you feel better. I can’t feel pain, so it’s okay..!” it straightened itself up on the chair, opening itself up to her.

Rin only hesitated for a brief moment before slapping it across the face with all her strength. It caused the machine to turn its head away, and it touched its cheek.

“Do you feel any better..?” it said to her in a gentle voice, looking back to her.

“No.”

“Then please hit me again if you must. Hit me until you aren’t as angry anymore.”

This time without hesitation, she slapped the machine four more times, until her own hand started stinging.

After the last slap, the product slowly turned back to Rin, “Feeling any better now..?”

“I’m still mad at you, but I don’t want to hit you anymore,” Rin grumbled, rubbing her hand.

It smiled softly, “That’s still progress..! That’s good! I’m very happy for you, Rin!”

Rin ended up eating her breakfast next to the machine and feeling not-quite-as-mad about it. The bot barely talked to her, too, which was a plus. However, she couldn’t help but shake off a sinking feeling in her stomach.

It was acting different. It always talked a lot. It was annoying. Why did it sound so...sad now? It made no sense. Those robots were programmed to dumbly follow any command and order it was given with utmost joy, wasn’t it? Was this thing really defective?

Almost immediately after she finished eating, Rin left and locked herself back into her room. She went and sat at her desk, opening up her laptop.

The first thing that appeared on her screen were two separate chats with Miku and Teto respectively, both talking about how much the despise the other. Rin rolled her eyes and closed the chats without replying. She opened up her web browser, and went onto The Anidoll Company’s website. She turned to their FAQ and Forum section, where employees for the company answer questions about the Anidolls.

She browsed through the webpage until she found the answer she was looking for.

_Do Anidolls feel pain?_ wrote a customer in the Forum section, _My Anidoll that I’ve had for a month now fell down my stairs. It got roughed up pretty bad, and it actually cried once it hit the bottom. But now I’m wondering if these things can actually feel any pain, or are they just programmed to act like that?_

An employee responded:

_Anidolls are made with the most advanced technology we have to offer. They’re designed to be genuine, so they even have some things you may consider to be “unnecessary.” And, yes, that includes pain receptors. Through a series of codes they can respond to sensations typically considered to be painful. So to answer your question, yes, they are “programmed to act like that,” but for the sake of authenticity what the animatronic feels is very similar to pain in humans as well. It’s not pleasant for them so please be careful to make sure they don’t get hurt!_

“It...he...lied to me..?” Rin muttered to herself, “Why, though? Why would he..?”

In that same instant, Rin recalled the robot’s primary objective. His excuse for everything was simply to “make her feel better.” So of course he didn’t give a shit about himself or his feelings. He only cared about Rin. Even though she’s only been a jerk to him. Suddenly, a wave of guilt washed over her for hitting the robot, with all of her strength, five times.

Rin became tense, and clenched her fists, “How could I be such an idiot..?!”

Rin was interrupted by a sudden knock on her door. She jumped at the sound, but calmed down once she heard the voice.

“Uhm, Rin..? I thought we could talk more about what happened earlier, if that’s okay?” the android spoke to her from behind the door.

 She sighed and went and opened the door. His eyes gleamed briefly when she responded to him, and his dumb smile was back on his face.

“You wanna talk to me?!” he said excitedly.

“I...I figured you wouldn’t shut up otherwise, so…” Rin fumbled, “J-just come in.”

She gestured for the robot to come in, and he excitedly entered her room. He quickly looked around at her things, before his eyes made their way back to her.

“I know I’ve only been here a day, but I can tell that you have a lot of pent up anger. I’m glad we were able to make progress today, even if it was just a little bit! Releasing your anger is very healthy and important!”

Rin slowly crossed her arms, “I know you lied to me. Again.”

“...Oh..?” the machine said slowly.

Rin gestured to her laptop next to her, and the opened webpage. The robot glanced at it for a moment, before quickly looking back to Rin.

“‘Oh Rin, hit me! I can’t feel pain anyway!’” Rin mimicked.

The machine continued to smile, unfazed, “I'm really sorry, Rin, I don’t see how this feature of mine is relevant or even important to know?”

“Tell me the truth, did it hurt when I hit you?”

“Yes, it hurt a whole lot,” the bot responded, still smiling, “But pain is temporary! For a moment after you hit me, I seemed to have become overwhelmed due to processing so many codes for the pain, so I apologize I was not more talkative at breakfast.”

Rin was silent for a brief moment, thinking. She didn’t understand why he acts this way one bit. It made no sense. No person would respond to being hit like—

“...Oh,” Rin muttered.

The android cocked its head to the side.

Rin looked at the bot, “Because I found out you can feel pain, I automatically assumed that you must’ve had feelings too. I forgot for a moment that you’re just a thing. I really am an idiot.”

“If you self-deprecate too much, you might start thinking that it’s true, Rin,” the thing responded.

“Right, you’re not a person at all,” Rin breathed, “That interaction we had earlier, it really didn’t mean anything. This conversation doesn’t mean anything either.”

The android responded almost automatically, “I can see that you’re frustrated and upset. How about we take a break and continue this conversation later?”

Rin recalled that it said those exact same words to her just last night, in the exact same tone, the exact same pitch. It just reinforced to her that, by the end of the day, it was simply disposable plastic and metal parts.

  
A waste of money.


	3. three.

Rin could barely see anything, but she knew she was in the house. It was dark—darker than normal. She felt like she was being watched from all sides. It made her skin crawl.

Starting from her bedroom door, she wandered to the end of the hall, keeping a hand on the wall, and down the stairs to the living room. As if she already knew where she should be, she walked over to the couch and slowly sat herself there. She looked straight ahead, to the TV.

“Mom and Dad are out. Up for some Super Sentai?” a voice next to her said suddenly, albeit calmly.

Rin didn’t look next to her, instead keeping her eyes locked onto the television. She smiled a sad smile, and nodded slowly.

“Sure, Len.”

In the next moment, the TV flashed on, dimly illuminating the room, and a random episode of Super Sentai began to play. Other than the typical overdramatic effects and acting of the show, the room was silent for a long moment.

“Hey, Rinny, why won’t you look at me?” the boyish voice asked slowly.

Rin didn’t dare look away from the TV.

She clenched onto the fabric of her pants, “I know if I do, I won’t like it.”

“C’mon, Sis. Please?” his voice was so sweet, so innocent-like, that it almost persuaded her to actually look. But she held steadfast.

“I can’t,” Rin muttered in a slightly strained voice.

Steadily, Rin started to feel cold and uncomfortable. The invisible eyes that have been watching her this whole time seemed to have intensified their gazes. She could feel them strongly, everywhere, even within her gut, as if staring into her very soul. She began to tremble, terrified. But she still didn’t look away from the TV.

“Pathetic,” Len’s voice has become distorted, and colder, “Can’t even look at your fucking brother.”

Rin didn’t respond.

Len continued to speak in his harsh, strange voice, “You kill him and you can’t even take a moment to look? You’re the worst kind of person, Sis. How could you be so selfish?”

As much as Rin wanted to reply, she tried her best not to speak, not even opening her mouth to whimper or to sigh.

“Why...why are you ignoring me? Why won’t you say something?” Len’s voice distorted further, until it was barely recognizable.

“Say something! Say something to me! Don’t kill me and then act like I never existed!”

He screamed at her loudly. Through the evil distorted mess in the voice, Rin could make out the sad, strained voice of her late brother.

Then, in one instant, the distortion disappeared, and Len yelled from next to her, “You’re the worst, Rin! I hate you..!”

Rin began to motion to turn around and face her brother, but before she could see his face, she woke up abruptly. She could hardly breathe. Tears started streaming down her face, and she cried silently in her bed.

After a few moments, Rin pulled herself together and went downstairs for breakfast. Mom and Dad were up, and so was the robot.

“Good morning, Rin,” Mom and Dad said to her from behind the kitchen counter, drinking coffee. The scrap of metal was sitting on one of the seats at the counter.

“Morning,” Rin mumbled.

The metal smiled at her brightly, “Good morning, Rin! I hope you slept well!”

Rin went to grab cereal, and then sat at the counter—making sure there was a seat between her and the thing—with her bowl and spoon.

The robot was sitting at the counter with a pen and notebook, and every time anyone did anything, right down to every time Rin put the spoon in her mouth, it would quickly start writing. 

Finally, Rin got fed up and asked in an irritated voice, “What are you doing?”

It glanced up at Rin before writing again, “I decided last night that I wanted to keep a journal! Mom and Dad let me have this notebook and pen!”

Rin glanced at her parents before looking back at the machine, “You can’t have a journal.”

“Why’s that, Rin?”

“Journals are supposed to have your emotions in them. You’re supposed to vent and be happy about stuff in them.”

The machine paused for a moment, “...Oh.”

“Let me see that,” Rin said, reaching out for the notebook.

The bot flinched and moved the notebook back a little, “But you aren’t allowed to look into someone else’s journal..!”

Rin blinked and looked at it with a sarcastic face, “Yeah, because they normally have secrets in them. Do you really got any deep, dark secrets in there?”

The android puffed out its cheeks, but then let Rin have the book. As expected.

Rin quickly flipped through the pages.

_Monday 10/12 07:41 AM_

_Mom and Dad let me keep a journal._

_It is 55 degrees Fahrenheit outside, let’s tell Rin to dress warmly._

_My battery is at 90%._

_  
08:10 AM _

_Mom and Dad make coffee. It is medium roast. They mix it with Half-and-Half and sugar._

_I saw a cat outside the window. It was an orange tabby. Likely male._

_Mom and Dad take sips out of their coffee._

_  
08:30 AM _

_Rin’s alarm should be going off now._

_After a few minutes, Rin is downstairs._  

_Mom and Dad say good morning to Rin._

_Rin says good morning._

_I say good morning to Rin._

_Rin makes cereal._

_Rin eats several spoonfuls of her cereal._

_Rin asks me what I am doing._

And it continues, just like that. Possibly the most boring “journal” to ever exist.

“Right, see,” Rin said, sliding the notebook back to the android, “This is just a log, not a journal. Because you don’t have feelings.”

The robot looked down at the notebook, putting its hand on top of it, “I think I’ll keep it anyway.”

Rin finished her cereal, and went back upstairs to get dressed. She put on her school uniform, brushed her hair and her teeth, and did a little bit of makeup. Bag in hand, she made her way back downstairs and to the door.

“Mom, Dad, I’m going to school!” she called out while opening the front door.

“Okay, have a nice day!” Mom called back to her from the kitchen.

“Bye, Rin!” the bot also called out.

Rin walked out the front door and started making her way to school. Since Len’s passing, the walk was always a little hard for her. They used to always walk together. Len would make bad jokes along the way, prompting Rin to always point out how stupid he was. Because the school was small and they were the same age the two were in the same class, too, though they had different groups of friends. Len still managed to find ways to annoy his sister in the classroom as well, causing Rin to always make a fuss, though in her heart she enjoyed his tricks. She would sometimes find ways to retaliate, as well, like tampering with his pens so all the ink would spill out, or forging fake, embarrassing letters by copying his handwriting and giving it to other students.

The students in their class took note of their bond—and the glaring fact that they were the only set of twins in the classroom—and the duo was always referred to as “the twins.”

But with Len gone, that was the end of “the twins,” and that was the end of Rin’s pleasant walks to school. The trek was now slow and lonely.

Rin made her way to the school gates, where students were already pouring in. She paused to look up at the school, let out a sigh, and then continued to walk to the front doors.

“Rin! Rinbear!!” a high-pitched, familiar voice called out to her from behind. Rin turned around and saw her friend, Miku.

Miku trotted up to Rin and then placed her hand on Rin’s shoulder to catch her breath, “Whew! I thought I was never gonna catch up..!”

“Ah, sorry,” Rin replied.

Miku looked up and smiled at her friend, tucking some of her soft teal hair behind her ear, “Don’t sweat it! No one here is in the mood for school right now, I don’t blame you.”

Miku let her hand off of Rin’s shoulder, and the two walked together into the building. They went up a flight of stairs and entered their classroom.

A redheaded girl was sitting in the desk that was supposed to be empty, Len’s. She had her feet up on the desk and rocked herself back in the chair.

“Hey, nerds,” the girl said.

“Teto!” Miku called out angrily, “That’s not your seat!”

“No shit, Sherlock!” Teto replied sharply.

“Why are you in Len’s desk?” Rin asked strangely calmly, sitting in her own desk behind Len’s.

“Payback,” Teto dropped her head back onto Rin’s desk, looking at the girl upside down, “You left my on read the other day. I didn’t want you ignorin’ me, and I figured you wouldn’t be able to ignore this.”

“You’re not special, Teto. Rin left me on read, too,” Miku added.

“I was busy,” Rin responded, still calm.

“We’re _all_ busy, Rinny. That’s not an excuse to ignore your friends,” Teto pouted.

Rin narrowed her eyes slightly, “Would you like an apology?”

“That’d be nice.”

“I’m sorry for not responding to your message, Teto,” Rin then turned to Miku, “And I’m sorry I didn’t respond to yours either, Miku.”

Miku looked at Rin worryingly and stumbled over her words, “A-ah, no, Rin, you don’t gotta apologize to me—“

“Thanks,” Teto carelessly rolled herself off of Len’s desk, his chair thudding audibly onto the classroom floor.

Teto left the two to sit in her own desk. Miku glanced over at her, then to Rin, then back to Teto. The girl then made up her mind and quickly walked over to Teto to confront her, leaving Rin alone. Rin decided to play games on her phone, but she could hear the two at the other end of the room bicker about what just happened.

_Deep down, those two are exactly the same_ , Rin thought. They both wanted an apology. They both want Rin to be their lap dog. They both don’t give a shit her brother died. They see it as a good thing, in fact, because now Rin can supposedly focus more on them. Why does she put up with them?

Rin looked at Len’s desk. If he saw what just happened, he’d yell at those two, and then tell Rin that she’s got bad friends. Rin would tell him to stay out of her business, but she really appreciated it. Len didn’t know how much she appreciated it. He never will now.

Rin then recalled a memory, the memory of when she discovered Len’s journal. She mocked him for it and he snatched it from her hands, face flushed red by embarrassment.

He stumbled loudly at her, “Y-you think it’s lame but if you had one you’d understand! It h-helps a lot with saying things you can’t say out loud and shit…”

Remembering that, Rin pulled up the notes app on her phone. She made a new note, titled “Personal Journal.” She glanced up at the front of the room and noticed the teacher about to walk in to start class, so she looked back at her phone and quickly typed a single sentence.

_If bringing you back meant I had to kill them both, I would happily slaughter them._


End file.
